My first kiss was nothing special. He was nervous. I was nervous. It was terrible. I was convinced I was going to do something wrong. I think he was probably convinced of the same thing. I remember feeling like our entire relationship came down to that one moment and the pressure was ridiculous. That isn’t what your first kiss should be like. Let’s be honest though, it doesn’t get a lot easier after that first time. Sure, some of that initial pressure is gone and you can relax a little bit but you still want to know you’re doing what you’re supposed to be doing. No one wants to be a bad kisser. If you really want to know how to be a good kisser, the best advice I can offer is to just relax. Kissing is supposed to be enjoyable. It’s supposed to be about being close to someone you care about and are attracted to. It’s not supposed to be stressful. The more you relax, the better you’ll do. While that may be the best advice I can offer, it isn’t the only advice – not by a long shot. Let’s get into my best tips for how to be a better kisser.
Prepare your mouth for kissing.
How does one prepare their mouth for kissing? Simple. You take care of it. You brush your teeth (and floss). You use mouthwash before bed and when you wake up in the morning. You avoid foods or beverages that cause bad breath the day of your date or, if you’re one of the unlucky people that foods really seem to like to cling to, the day before your date. You treat your lips with respect. Lip balm is your friend. This goes for you too, boys. You can get lip balm that has no odor and no color that keeps your lips in good kissing shape without making you look like you’re wearing lip gloss. Lip balm keeps your lips from getting dry and chapped, making them much more pleasant to kiss. This is extra important in colder temperatures, during bad weather or when you’re out in the sun.
Here’s one more fun little tip before we move on that I use anytime I go on a dinner date or out for drinks. Did you order a drink that had a lemon wedge or did a lemon wedge come with something in your meal? Eat it. Seriously – lemon is an instant breath freshener.
Don’t rush it.
When it comes time for the kiss, take it slow. Kissing is supposed to be intimate and affectionate. Don’t get caught up in the desire to get hot and heavy right away. Take a little time to enjoy the kissing, especially if that’s as far as it’s going to go. When I think back over my kissing history, it’s the slow, careful kisses that really stand out in my memory. Those were the kisses that made me weak in the knees. Take your time and let that passion build. A few light kisses before the big, passionate smooch builds the anticipation and builds the intensity of the moment. It allows you to take time to really enjoy how your partner’s lips feel on yours. It allows you time to really get lost in that swoon of the moment. There is something to be said for a full on, passionate, face-smooshing kiss but if you really want to know how to be a good kisser, save all that for when you’re a little more confident and go with a slow, more controlled kiss. It will be far more special and far more memorable.
As weird as it sounds, don’t forget to swallow and to breathe.
So you’ve taken it slow at first but now things are getting a lot more passionate. There are tongues involved. Your pulse is racing. Your body is on fire. It’s all so exciting and you’re so in the moment. That’s great and all, but make sure you stay in the moment and don’t have to pull out of it to gasp for breath or swallow. To take it a step further, I can tell you from experience that there is nothing sexy about getting drooled on – nothing sexy at all. Breathe through your nose and swallow while you kiss so you don’t have to pull away to do either. If you do feel the need to do so; gently pull your mouth away and move it to your partner’s jaw or neck. This lets them know you’re into what’s going on but it also gives you the chance to swallow and catch your breath.
Watch what you’re doing with your tongue.
Too much tongue is just flat out bad. Not enough tongue isn’t quite as bad but still isn’t optimal. You shouldn’t be trying to see how much of your tongue you can possibly stuff into your partner’s mouth but should instead be teasing their tongue and lips with the tip of your tongue. Flick your tongue against theirs. Move it along the back of their teeth if you can although that might be best saved for when you’re a little more comfortable with the whole kissing thing.
Close your eyes.
I once heard that people who are no longer in love start kissing with their eyes open and for some reason, that’s always stuck with me. I suppose keeping your eyes closed while you’re kissing just shows trust and affection. Also, people look really strange when you’re that close to them and that can be quite unpleasant.
Don’t just use your mouth.
Run your fingers through your partner’s hair. Stroke the back of their neck with your fingertips. Run your hands over their arms and back. Trace your fingers around the outside of their ear. Kissing isn’t just about what you do with your mouth. It’s about what you do with your hands as well. Give them a little squeeze around the biceps. Hold their hand. Cradle your partner’s jaw in your hand and run your thumb over their cheek. Move your hand around to the back of their neck. Hold them close to you. Let your partner know that you love what is happened between the two of you and you want it to continue. You don’t have to take your clothes off and take it further than kissing if you’re not ready for that but that doesn’t mean you can’t let them see how much you’re enjoying the kissing.
Be careful. For the love of fuzzy kittens, be careful!
When my husband and I first started dating, he was a biter. He didn’t do it on purpose but he always seemed to get my bottom lip between his teeth which would leave me with a sore lip for at least a day. That just isn’t fun. He eventually stopped with the biting and the whole kissing thing became a lot more pleasant. Some people are into biting. It you and your partner as into biting then go ahead and bit to your heart’s content but if you’re not into that, or if you’re not sure your partner is into that, watch the teeth.
You also need to be careful about smashing your teeth against your partner’s teeth. It hurts like you wouldn’t believe and it puts a quick end to romance, or at least puts it on pause while you recover. Just take it easy and you should be fine. Accidents are bound to happen every once in a while but if you’re careful, you should be okay.