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Questions to Ask Your Boyfriend Before You Get Serious

So things are going great in your relationship and it’s starting to get serious. You think about him all the time. You’re sure he feels the same way. What could possibly go wrong? A lot, if you’re a teenager. You might not be able to imagine your life without him but life has a way of making things complicated. This list of questions to ask your boyfriend will help you understand how serious your relationship really is and will help you determine if you actually have a future with the guy you’re with.

image via commons.wikimedia.org
image via commons.wikimedia.org

Do you want to get married?

Talking about marriage when you’re a teenager might seem a little weird but this is one of those questions to ask your boyfriends that could be very important if you’re starting to get serious. As a child, I used to dream about my wedding. I pictured the dress, the ceremony, the reception – the whole deal. When I finally got married, it was nothing like what I imagined as a child but it was still among the happiest days of my life. My high school boyfriend, on the other hand, had no interest in getting married. I thought I’d be able to get over that because I cared about him a great deal but as our relationship progressed, it bothered me more and more. If you have no desire to get married whatsoever, it’s still worth the conversation. Maybe getting married is important to your boyfriend. It’s better to find out for sure before things get serious.

image via modernmom.com
image via modernmom.com

Do you want children?

This is another one of those questions to ask your boyfriend that might seem a little weird coming from a teenager but that doesn’t mean it isn’t important. You may not be planning to have kids right away but if kids are important to you then you want to know that your boyfriend is at least open to the idea. The reverse is true as well, if kids are important to your boyfriend but you don’t want to have kids, that’s really something you need to discuss. Not everyone wants kids. I may have wanted the wedding but kids have never been part of my plan. That maternal instinct you always hear so much about? I don’t have it – never have. I was always told that would change with age but I’m 30 now and it hasn’t changed yet. If you’re  both unsure about the kids issue, that’s fine but if one of you feels passionately about it one way or the other, it’s going to be something that needs to be discussed.

Beyond just the “to have kids or not to have kids” question, you should talk about when you want to have kids and how many kids you’d like to have. You don’t have to agree on every little thing but if you want to be settled into your own house and have a good career before you have children but your boyfriend wants to have children right out of high school, that is definitely something that needs to be talked about. Make your position clear. Explain why you want to wait. Listen to him when he tells you why he doesn’t. You may be able to find some kind of common ground. It’s much better to work these things out before things get serious.

One last note about this one: if you both decide you don’t want to have kids or you want to wait to have kids, talk about birth control options. Please, please talk about birth control options. If you’re not having sex and you plan to wait until you’re married than that’s something you can worry about after vows have been exchanged but if you’re not waiting, have the conversation. There is no method of birth control that is 100% effective but you decrease the chances of an unplanned pregnancy if you use more than one birth control method every time you have sex. I’ve been on the pill since I was fifteen but I still insist on using a condom. Ideally, people would wait until they’re able to support a child if an accident happens or are at least mature enough to make the right decision for the baby and for themselves but that just isn’t realistic. That’s why I say it’s important to use birth control. Condoms kind of suck but I have to imagine an unexpected pregnancy sucks far worse.

image via movistar.es
image via movistar.es

What do you want to do with your life?

If you’re starting to get serious, this is one of the most important questions to ask your boyfriend but before you do, you should know how to answer it yourself. When you’re a teenager, it can be tempting to make important decisions about your life based on what your boyfriend plans to do with his but that can be a dangerous way to live your life.  Living your life for someone else can be a great way to wind up with nothing but regrets. What goals do you have? Who do you want to be? What do you want to do? Do you want a career? Children? Marriage? A settled life? Adventure? Travel? Education? There are a lot of options out there. If what you want to do with your life and what your man wants to do with his life don’t take you down the same road, you may want to reconsider whether or not this is the best relationship for you to be in.

While your goals are important, so are his. You can’t expect him to give up his goals to make you happy. Just like living your life for him could leave you with nothing but regrets, him living his life for you could leave him with nothing but regrets. No one wants to feel like they’re holding someone back. It may feel great in the short term but in the long term, you may find yourself wishing you’d let him go so he could do the things he wanted to do.

image via happyologist.co.uk
image via happyologist.co.uk

Are you happy?

This doesn’t have to be about you and let him know that. Being happy isn’t just about being happy in a relationship and you need to understand that before you begin this conversation. A lot of guys here the “are you happy” question and assume you’re talking just about whether or not he’s happy with you. Tell him exactly what you mean. There is almost always some aspect of a person’s life they’re not completely satisfied with. Find out if that’s the case with your man. Maybe you can come up with some ways to help him feel more fulfilled in that area. Maybe there’s something you can do to make something better in his life. Either way, there are few questions to ask your boyfriend that can kick off a truly honest, open conversation as well as this one. You might learn things about your man you hadn’t even considered which can bring you even closer together.

image via orlandocounselingservices.net
image via orlandocounselingservices.net

What are you looking for from me?

This is a big, big, very important question. In fact, I’d say it’s the most important out of all these questions to ask your boyfriend because before you get serious, you really need to know what your boyfriend expects of you in the long run. Before you pose this one though, be absolutely sure you’re ready to answer the question as well. You don’t just need to know what he expects of you but you need to know what you expect of him. Are there things he does you want him to change? If so, you may be in for a rude awakening. While many guys grow out of the bad behavior of their youth, not all guys do. Do not allow yourself to believe he’ll change just because it’s what you want. If he tells you he wants to change something about himself, make sure he wants to do it for himself and make sure he’s taking steps to make it happen. If he isn’t, he probably isn’t committed to changing and you shouldn’t expect him to in the future. It’s not impossible but it’s also not something you should count on.

Now, when it comes to what he expects from you, what you’re really looking for is whether or not he has an idea in his mind of what a woman’s role is in a relationship. Does he expect you to have a career? Does he expect you to give up your personal goals to help him achieve his? Does he expect to give up his own personal goals to help you achieve yours? Does he want to work toward your mutual goals or even toward individual goals as a team? All of these factors can determine how happy your relationship will be in the long run. You may feel okay with giving up chasing a dream or going after something you’ve always wanted because you love him but in time, you may regret that decision and may wind up resenting him. That does not make for a happy relationship.

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