Why You Should Never Blame Yourself When a Man Cheats on You
There are many reasons a man might cheat on you in a relationship, and you should never assume that it is your fault, or feel that perhaps you could have done more to prevent it.
If you constantly worry about what you are doing wrong, or how you can control the behaviour of someone else, then you are only going to end up living in a constant state of worry and self-analysis, which is not healthy for you, or for your relationship. Essentially you will end up compromising the trust between you and your partner, and your neurotic thoughts and behaviour could even result in the undesired action happening! There is only so much a person can take when you constantly think the worst of them.
In order to help yourself to control your own neurosis, and enjoy a normal and relaxed relationship, you just have to accept that you can’t control the way another person chooses to behave. And for that reason you should never take responsibility for someone else’s bad behaviour either. At the end of the day a man can choose one of three things:
- If he is unhappy in the relationship then he can choose to leave.
- If he is not feeling fulfilled in the relationship then he can choose to talk to you and attempt to resolve the issues together.
- If he has no respect for you, the girl he is cheating on you with, or himself, then he can choose infidelity.
Remember: If he doesn’t give you a choice to be involved, and help to resolve the problem, but instead chooses to cheat on you, then it is not your fault!
What Is The Main Reason Men Cheat?
It is however always useful to have some kind of understanding of how a man’s mind might work, and have an idea of what the most common reasons are for a man cheating.
Unfortunately the reasons men cheat on women are not always clear-cut or logical. Nor is cheating always a state of mind the man has built up to. In many cases a man might simply be presented with an exciting proposal, and in the moment he chooses to act spontaneously. It could even happen despite being totally against the normal grain of his character. Don’t ever assume that cheating men follow a specific formula, or that there is a specific formula to establish the traits of a cheating man, or predict when it is going to happen.
Of course the idea of this can be very disconcerting for a woman. If a man doesn’t have a solid reason for cheating, then what on earth is a woman to do to in order to prevent it from happening in her relationship? I suppose in these cases a woman has to rely and trust in her own judgment. Have you chosen to be with a man who respects you, and who has enough self-control to honour his love and respect for you? If you are confident in your own judgment, then you may as well relax and not worry about anything until it happens.
Can a Woman Lessen The Chances of a Man Cheating on Her?
You may find it interesting to know that in a study conducted by Marriage Counselor M. Gary Neuman who surveyed 200 cheating and non-cheating husbands, he found that nearly 50% of the men rated emotional dissatisfaction as the primary reason for cheating.
This suggests that if a woman focuses on building a solid and emotionally balanced relationship with her partner she increases her chances of him being faithful by half.
It also suggests that cheating isn’t necessarily just about the sex, it can also be about filling an emotional void, feeling close to someone, and most likely feeling attractive and good about oneself in the moment.
So you can put more energy into fulfilling your partner in these areas, but does it necessarily mean that if a woman provides her partner with all of these things in a relationship that he won’t stray? No of course not. Because cheating is not something your can always predict, and neither are personalities.
Is it Just Bad Men Who Cheat?
Further findings of Neuman’s study reveal, rather alarmingly, is that “it isn’t just uncaring jerks who cheat!” 66% of the men reported feeling guilty while cheating, and 68% said they hadn’t thought they were the kind of person who would do such a thing, and regretted it afterwards. Perhaps more interestingly was the fact that 77% had at least one friend who cheats.
All of this suggests that you can’t predict how a man is going to behave. I mean – if he can’t predict his own character, then how are you meant to? And it also suggests that men have a tendency to act irresponsibly, possibly even mimicking the behaviour of the cheating people they know, and then they deal with the problem later.
None of this points to them as being “bad men” though. These men aren’t setting out to hurt you, and they are not necessarily planning anything along the way. So our conclusion has to be that “good men” cheat too.
Should You Be Worried if Your Man’s Best mate is a Cheater?
It is an understandable response to be concerned if your partner has a close friend who has a reputation for cheating, especially if the friend does so quite openly and without seeming remorse. If your boyfriend hangs out with a large group of lads who behave badly behind girl’s backs on the social scene you might be worried that this behaviour could influence your partner by exposing him to the world of cheating and ‘normalizing’ the behaviour.
If this is a big concern in your life then you should aim to encourage your partner to spend more time with you, and build a social circle together around happily married couples that share your values and support the kind of behaviour you expect in your relationship.
How To Recognize The Signs of a Cheating Man
It can be easy to become paranoid about whether of not your partner might cheat on you, if he isn’t already, especially if you are an insecure kind of girl. In order to help you direct you attention to the signs that count, here are the three important things to watch out for if you suspect your partner is cheating on you.
He Starts Paying You More Attention. Surprisingly, a cheating man is likely to be more attentive you than usual. So if you notice a sudden change in the amount of focus he has begun to give you, then you might want to ask yourself why. It could be that he has done something wrong and regrets it but can’t bring himself to tell you. Or it could be that he is cheating on you, and the guilt is making him try to cover it up by being the model boyfriend. When a guy’s behaviour changes in an out of the norm manner, you have every right to be suspicious!
He is secretive about his mobile phone or emails. If you are both in an open and trusting relationship then there is no reason for anyone to be shady about what calls or messages are coming in and out. Some people are naturally private, and there is nothing wrong with that, but you notice that your boyfriend is avoiding answering your questions in a straightforward way or seems to go out of his way to avoid you overhearing his conversations, then you may want to start paying even closer attention to find out why.
He becomes unusually aware of his appearance. If you notice a shift in the personal hygiene and general grooming of your man, it wouldn’t be silly of you to suspect that he is trying to impress someone. And if it is not you, then who is it? Look out for aftershave, well coordinated clothes, ironed shirts, neater hair.