You walk into a coffee shop and the first thing you see is the most stunning girl you have ever laid eyes on in your life. You’re so awe-struck by her beauty that you just don’t know what to do with yourself. In fact, you’re not doing anything, you’ve simply frozen in the doorway and people behind you are starting to complain because they want to get by. Does this sort of thing happen to you often?
In my experience, the guys who need to read an article like this are the guys who don’t get many dates, because they are either too afraid of rejection, or they have experienced so much of it in the past that they have developed a phobia of approaching beautiful women. Does this sound like you?
In fact, if you are one of these guys, then you may even be so romantically or sexually deprived that every normal-looking female you encounter on the street has the supermodel effect on you, even if in reality the girl is quite plain, and perhaps not even your type if you had the opportunity to get to know her!
Don’t worry you’re fixable. And don’t worry you are also perfectly capable of asking a girl out successfully. It’s not rocket science; you just have to remember to use your common sense.
The Common Sense Approach to Asking Out a Girl
Firstly, let’s be realistic about the kinds of girl you want to ask out. How approachable are they? Unfortunately there are some women who are completely unapproachable, and it has nothing to do with how beautiful they are, it is their state of mind.
If you want to ask a girl out, first you must assess how approachable they are, because this is an essential factor, not only in deciding whether it is worth trying, but also in choosing your method of approach!
Here is a secret that most men either don’t realize, or choose to ignore… Women don’t generally like to be approached by complete strangers in public – it’s embarrassing to be chatted up in a queue with several knowing onlookers, and it feels like an invasion of one’s privacy to suddenly be spoken to on public transport, even though public transport isn’t technically “private”.
Watch out for these signs that women give off to let you know they don’t want to be disturbed:
- The girl with her nose buried in a book, or her phone. She is definitely making a statement – don’t come near me you crazy, stalker! If you see a girl having a drink by her self, or lunch, or just sitting in the park, she will use a book, magazine or her phone as social armor. Tip: The more engrossed she looks, the more intent she is to keep you at a distance!
- The girl who looks like she is waiting for someone to arrive. She will usually have a restless, nervous or desperate look on her face. Her eyes will dart around, but seem to be avoiding you at all costs, and she will probably wander off to show that she is waiting for someone, the moment you begin to approach. Tip: Wait, be patient, and see if anyone arrives. She could be waiting for her boyfriend, or she could just be waiting for a waiter to pass by so she can order a fresh glass of water and lemon!
- The girl who looks pissed off. If a girl looks like she has had a row with someone, or a bad experience with a sales assistant, then she is probably ready and willing to bite your head off the moment you approach. Ask yourself – Do you want to be her punch bag and let her take her bad day out on you?
Use your common sense and assess the girl, assess her surroundings, and then assess yourself. Are you prepared to go up and strike up a conversation with a girl you may never have even met before? This leads on to the next step in asking a girl out…
Think About What You Are Going to Say to Her Before You Go Over
It might seem like an obvious thing to think about, but I have been faced many times with a blank faced stranger staring down at me with little more than a “Hello”, and “What’s your name?” for his chat-up preparation.
Personally, I hate it when a complete stranger comes right out and asks me what my name is. And more often or not they haven’t even offered theirs first! I find it to be rude and an invasion of my privacy. It is also an invasion of personal place for a stranger to come up to you without a valid reason. If you think that feeling attracted to her is a valid reason, think again!
So what exactly is a valid reason to approach a girl and initiate a conversation? Well I think it is important to establish a connection of some kind before you walk up and surprise her with your towering presence! Try smiling at her from a distance. This way you can test the waters to see how approachable she is. Try to catch her eye a few times, if she smiles back at you briefly, then you may feel more confident to open up a conversation when the time comes – but it’s not yet mind you!
Next you must prepare your conversation. Why are you approaching this girl? That is what the girl is going to be asking herself. Why is this stranger coming up to me? And unless you have that valid reason, then she is instantly going to assume she is being hit on. Girls do not like being hit on in public – whatever you might think, it’s often not a very flattering feeling.
Here are some ideas:
- Ask her a question – It might be to do with the book she is reading, or it might be to do with the location you are both occupying – for example a public building or park. Yes she may suspect that your question is an excuse to say hello, but she will appreciate the fact that you have tried to disguise your intentions rather than blatantly impose yourself upon her.
- Offer your help – If you can see she is struggling with something – bags, opening a bottle, or maybe it is raining and she is getting soaked – offer your assistance. Then you have the perfect opportunity to ask where she is from, which shows you are interested in her, and then start your conversation from there.
- Comment on a situation that is happening – if you are waiting to be served at a busy bar, you can make a joke about it, directed at her to ease the tension of the situation, and then perhaps go on to describe your on experiences as a bar tender, or that of a friends. Anything related that may engage her in conversation with you.
How To Lead the Conversation in Order to Secure a Date
Where most men fail is being able to successfully lead the conversation they have just opened up towards being able to ask the girl out without it sounding too random or planned. If you haven’t managed to engage the girl properly before you ask her out, then you risk her avoiding any kind of commitment – which translates to chat-up fail!
There is a secret trick you can use, which will ensure you get that date though. As your conversation is developing, it doesn’t matter what you happen to be talking about – whether it is small talk or an in depth analysis of the economic state of the world – observe exactly how much she is contributing to the conversation. Are you doing all of the talking? If you are then she’s not really taking part at all is she? No, she’s just tolerating you and being polite.
If you want chat-up success, which means she accepts your invitation of meeting up again, then you have to first establish that she is interested in something about you, and wants to find out more you, or at least about whatever it is you have been talking about. Check to see if she is asking questions!
If she is, then now is the time to draw your chat up to a close. What now? Really? Yes right now – look at your watch, gasp and realize that you’re running late because this girl has distracted you. Apologize profusely and look very disappointed. Then offer to exchange details so that you can continue the conversation at another point. If you have created a genuine interest then she will have no problem in you wanting to see her again.
TIP: Don’t ask for her number – give her yours or ask if she’d like to connect on Facebook. I always find it much more polite if a guy does. Plus then you know that it is her choice to get in contact with you! If you can give her a good reason to follow up and contact you even better – Mention an event coming up that you might be able to get free tickets to, or tell her you’re free at the weekend and you know an amazing coffee shop which would be the perfect place to resume your conversation!